APRIL FOOLS #3

Treasure

Chad and I found a small plastic bag from Hot Topic one day. It had cotton draw-strings and the plastic was durable, of the highest quality; black, with pink lettering. It had suburban glamor. It was the kind of bag that could potentially contain a Slipknot beanie - or maybe a Nightmare Before Christmas action figure...

I can't remember where that bag came from but it wound up with us. Gemma had recently moved in with us, she was Chad's first cat, a domestic long hair with chronic diarrhea. She was probably 7 or 8 months old at the time and she would eat grass constantly, which would upset her stomach. She also ate kibble non-stop and was kind of a lard ass.

I had just returned home from an early afternoon class and Chad was not due in at CostCo for a couple hours, so we had some time to kill. Over an episode of Family Guy we decided what was to be done. We filled the Hot Topic bag with Gemma's miserable feces and threw it into the alley way behind our house. Then we ran up to my bedroom and waited for some Rancho Cotati high schoolers to stumble upon in on their way home.

One kid found the bag and excitedly grabbed it, realized it had something in it, and fought his friends off as they tried to take it from him. He loosened the drawstrings, peeked in at Gemma's feces, and exclaimed, "It's shit!" then flung the bag at his friend. Another kid picked it up, confirmed it was shit, and threw it at someone else. The four or five of them ran away from the scene with such urgency you could almost think they knew we were somewhere watching.